2 Surprising Changes In Women Who Initiate Divorce, By A Psychologist
A new study interviewed 38 women, mothers included, who initiated divorce. Their lives transformed completely in two major ways.
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Decades of research have shown that women tend to initiate divorces more than men, even though it can be an exceptionally stressful chapter in their lives. They often have to take on more work — emotional, mental and physical — than they did prior to divorce.
However, divorce can also present the chance to develop oneself.
What redefining opportunities may emerge when women initiate divorce? A 2025 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family examines just that.
It looked at 38 women who initiated divorce to provide an interesting window into how these women experience and make sense of this life-altering decision. Researchers conducted semi-structured, in-depth interviews with the women, aged 25–70, including mothers, over a period of 14 months.
Here are two key findings from the study.
1. They Value Autonomy And Self-Determination
Studies show that men and women experience marriage and divorce differently. Marriage is, historically speaking, a gendered institution, where duties and responsibilities are often assigned based on stereotypical role division.
This burden of additional responsibilities and emotional labor with less resources lead many women to feel helpless, leaving divorce as the only escape. Researchers note that this lack of power in heterosexual relationships stops them from “voicing missing parts of themselves and the intensity of the difficulty they experience.”
Post-divorce, a majority of these women felt a sense of freedom and empowerment. They attributed the latter emotion to their pre-divorce preparations and their dedication to go through with the process. They were able to manage new responsibilities and navigate difficulties while maintaining focus on personal growth.
Different women went through the process differently, but researchers noted that words like freedom, choice, strength and liberation appeared repeatedly in their accounts.
Orna, a 48-year old participant and mother of two children, explained distancing from her ex-partner to reconnect with her authentic self as a crucial part of the process. She turned to her inner world once she started feeling more and more detached from her partner.
“The more I thought about it, the more something broke in the wall that reminded me not to end the relationship. Or that going through a divorce is more than I can handle. In this way, in a kind of paralysis, I received an understanding that I was fed up, and suddenly I knew I had to vent and tell him, and then I also started planning the breakup,” she explains.
Despite the social stigma surrounding divorce, she reflected, observed the state of her marriage and eventually took the step to separate.
Others allowed themselves to disagree with things their partner, his family and even their own family members said.
“I began to disagree, to oppose, to get angry, to put question marks where they spoke with exclamation marks. I allowed myself to disagree. I allowed myself more and more to argue, to state a different opinion, about education, about a place to live, about work, about money and expenses,” says 37-year old Rony, who stressed that she stopped “accepting what was sold” to her. This helped her grow her self-confidence and trust in herself, which eventually led her to file for divorce.
Yet another woman was unhappy about having to have sex as and when her husband demanded, while having little to no say in the matter. In her case, divorce gave her the freedom of choice since they lived apart after the process.
These participants’ accounts suggest that initiating divorce is often less about conflict with a partner and more about reclaiming control over one’s life and decisions.
2. They Redefine Their Identities And Priorities
These women rarely, if ever, divorced their partner without reflecting first on their marriages and roles within them. They questioned the inequitable divisions of labor and lack of recognition for their contributions. They also questioned the restrictions posed by traditional gender norms.
“The accumulation of anger, frustration and loneliness reached a breaking point, and I realized that allowing another day to pass like this was only weakening me. I managed to overcome the barriers of self-doubt and fear of being alone, recognizing I deserve to feel empowered and not constantly belittled. I had had enough,” says Effi, a 55 year old participant who was married for 16 years.
She felt like she was chipping away parts of herself to sacrifice for her marriage and family, and she received no gratitude for it. The resentment built up over time and eventually she decided to leave.
Walking away from a partner is never an easy decision. The women in the study decided to leave, even after years of marriage, because the price they were paying for their relationship cost them more than what they were gaining, not to mention their entire sense of self.
Once they left, they started feeling a sense of autonomy and a renewed sense of self — something that they almost gave up after marrying. Initiating divorce allows women to reorganize their lives and explore their individuality once again.
One woman pursued her off-beat dream of becoming a bus-driver, something she wanted since her childhood.
“Since childhood, I’ve dreamed of being a bus driver or a railroad engineer. I don’t know why, but I know my husband didn’t agree. It felt unfeminine to him or something. And I gave up. Six months after the divorce, I sent my CV to several transport companies, renewed my license, and started working as a bus driver. It may sound small to you, but for me it was a lot, like I was reborn. I do what I want and what is right for me, and I don’t give up on myself. I drive the bus of my life,” says Dorit, a 50-year old participant.
Divorce can have harsh social, emotional and financial consequences for women, yet they report experiencing a renewed sense of confidence and power after the process. They show resilience and autonomy, pursuing goals and dreams that defy traditional benchmarks of success like motherhood.
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