2 Ways Real Friendships Help You Survive Tough Times, By A Psychologist

As a society today, we are increasingly shifting toward an individualistic culture where personal achievement and independence are often prioritized over community and collective connection.

A 2017 global study analyzing 51 years of data across 78 countries found that individualism is on the rise worldwide and is largely influenced by socioeconomic development.

The rapid advancement of the digital world and social media is, unsurprisingly, a major contributing factor. For instance, many young people today consider sending memes or quick messages as an ideal way of communicating and staying connected.

While these digital connections can feel comforting, they often fall short of fulfilling deeper social needs, leading to increased feelings of isolation.

This shift can be seen in the alarming rise of loneliness. A recent survey by Gallup reveals that 52 million people in the U.S. struggle with loneliness, with around 20% of U.S. adults reporting that they feel lonely daily.

As found in the survey, adults who experience daily loneliness are nearly five times more likely to rate their current life poorly compared to those who aren’t lonely.

Despite evidently feeling the impact of this shift, the power of connection and social support is still undervalued. Leaning on others can feel like a weakness to many.

Whether it’s emotional encouragement or simply knowing someone is by your side, having real friends who care for you can quite literally change how you experience challenges both mentally and physically.

Here are two ways, based on research, friendships can support you through difficult times.

1. They Can Change The Way You Face Challenges

For many people, when something feels overwhelming or too difficult, it’s possible that they would try to avoid it or experience higher stress while trying to cope with it.

On the other hand, when the same challenge appears less threatening, people are more likely to stay engaged and perform better.

Friendships, in this case, act as a powerful tool in shaping how you feel and also in influencing how you perceive the challenge itself.

Research published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology explored the impact of social support on how people perceive physical challenges. They focused on a simple question: Does having support make a steep hill look less steep?

This was done through two experiments.

1. The first study was done with in-person support. Participants were asked to estimate how steep a hill was while wearing a heavy backpack. A few participants did this alone, and others were accompanied by a supportive friend. Researchers found that those with a friend perceived the hill as less steep.
2. The second experiment was done with imagined support. Participants once again judged the hill, but this time they were asked to think about someone either supportive, neutral or negative in their life. Researchers found that people who imagined a supportive person saw the hill as less steep. Meanwhile, those who thought of a negative person saw it as steeper.

Researchers highlight that the quality of the relationship mattered in this experiment. It wasn’t just about having anyone around. It was about feeling close, supported and emotionally connected.

People who had known their friend for a longer time or felt closer to them saw the hill as significantly less steep. So, closeness was the key factor influencing perception. The study supports the larger idea that the social resources you have, such as strong and supportive relationships, change the way you perceive the world.

People with strong support systems see their world as less threatening, less overwhelming and more manageable. Those without them may see the world as more demanding and stressful.

In tough times, when the instinct might be to withdraw or isolate yourself, remember that reaching out to those who truly care for you can shift everything. You don’t have to face it all alone, and you’re not meant to.

While the desire to be independent and grow on your own is valid, it’s just as important to nurture your community and prioritize meaningful friendships, not out of self-interest, but because mutual support has a real ability to lighten life’s load for everyone involved.

2. They Can Fuel Stronger Performance

A 2021 study published in Physiology and Behavior looked at how even imagining social support affects physical performance and how hard a task feels.

This was tested by making the participants perform a handgrip exercise while looking at photos of either someone supportive (like a close friend) or a stranger.

The findings revealed that when participants saw the supportive person’s photo, they were able to squeeze harder, especially when the task was more difficult.

Even though they exerted more effort, the participants reported feeling that the task was easier compared to when they saw a stranger’s photo.

This suggests that friendships that support you can act like an energy resource and a motivating factor, ultimately enhancing your performance. They can help you perform better physically while also making the effort feel less taxing.

So, feeling supported can have a significant impact on how well you handle the situation and your performance in the face of a challenging event.

This explains why working out with a friend, for instance, might often feel easier and more energizing than doing it alone. It’s the psychological lift their presence provides. Friendships, in this way, can fuel your stamina and make hard things feel more doable.

The next time you’re pushing through something tough, remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. Sometimes, just having someone by your side can change how far you’re able to go.

How To Stay Connected And Build Real Community

It is imperative that we realize the power of a supportive circle. That said, another important reminder is that a supportive circle is built through consistent effort and showing up for each other in both the everyday, ordinary moments as well as in hard or challenging times.

Real connection calls for intention. Try not to focus on quantity but rather on the quality of connections you build and finding the few real ones who will stick by you through thick and thin.

If you are lucky enough to have people who have been with you for a long time, learn how to embrace those connections and not take them for granted, because even the strongest bonds need nurturing.

Let that understanding remind you to keep investing time and care into these relationships so you continue to grow together.

If you haven’t yet found your people, that’s okay, too. There’s no deadline for finding a real connection and you are not “too old” to make new friends. What matters is that you keep showing up and trying to build connections in the best way you can.

Whether you want to deepen the bonds you already have or cultivate new friendships, these few simple habits can help you nurture your social support system in everyday life.

• Create rituals with your loved ones. Whether it’s a weekly coffee catch-up or a weekly phone call — small, repeated rituals build emotional closeness over time. It’s not about how long you talk, but how regularly you show up.
• Do things side-by-side. Shared physical activities like cooking, working out or running errands together can be bonding experiences and feel more natural than just texting or talking.
• Find your “third place.” Beyond work and home, having a regular space like a gym, library, dance class or café helps you build new connections naturally.
• Say yes to in-person invitations. It’s tempting to cancel plans, but shared real-world moments strengthen relationships in ways the digital world can’t.

​​​While independence is valuable, it’s connection that sustains you. It’s not just resilience that gets you through challenges, but also the relationships that remind you that you’re not alone.

How connected have you been feeling lately to those around you? Take this science-backed test to find out: Social Connectedness Scale