3 Ways ‘Self-Expansion’ Helps Your Relationship Last, By A Psychologist

Your relationship may have more room to grow more than you realize. Here are three reasons why noticing its potential could be the key to deeper commitment.

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If you think and reflect on, say, the last five years of your life, you’ll probably realize you aren’t the same person as you were before.

Maybe you learned how to speak up for yourself more, picked up skills you never thought you’d have or started seeing past situations in a completely different light.

This is how you evolve. Growth, however, is not always linear or predictable. Sometimes you may move forward quickly, sometimes you may slow down and sometimes you may even feel like you’ve gone backwards. All of which is completely okay, and even necessary for a deeper understanding of yourself and the world.

This is precisely the essence of “self-expansion.” It’s when you grow by gaining new experiences, skills and perspectives that add to your self-concept. This can happen through travel, learning something new, meeting different kinds of people or experiencing anything that pushes you to see or do more than before.

When it comes to relationships, self-expansion plays a big role in how they evolve. Being with your partner can help you grow through shared experiences. When the relationship exposes you to new experiences, skills and ways of thinking that you might not have discovered on your own, it changes you, helping you grow as a person.

Over time, these experiences can add to your sense of self as well as deepen the bond you share.

In a 2024 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, researchers explored how self-expansion shows up in romantic relationships.

Researchers studied couples over time while looking at three different aspects: how much growth partners believed their relationship could bring in the future, how much growth they felt it was bringing in the present and the actual activities they did together that could spark growth.

They tracked these experiences day by day and followed up months later to see how they related to the quality of the relationship.

Based on the 2024 study, here are three ways “self-expansion” can help your relationship grow and thrive in the long run.

1. Seeing Potential In Your Relationship Boosts Long-Term Happiness

To see potential in a relationship is to believe that there’s still room for both of you to grow together in the future. The idea is to be able to see the possibilities in your future together, the trips you might take, the way your life would look together and the challenges you might face and overcome side by side.

This is what self-expansion potential is: your beliefs about how “self-expanding” a relationship could be in the future.

Researchers found that when partners had higher self-expansion potential, they were more likely to engage in new and interesting activities together and to feel that their relationship was helping them grow in the present.

What was even more striking was that this sense of potential predicted greater relationship satisfaction and commitment not just day to day, but even two months later.

It’s easier to put effort into a relationship when you can see where it leads, and move forward with a perspective of growth. If you believe your relationship has space for new experiences and shared growth, you’re more likely to make choices that keep it moving forward. In the long run, this shared sense of “what’s next” can keep the connection feeling fresh instead of stagnant.

2. How You See Your Relationship Right Now Shapes Daily Connection

Your current perceptions of your relationships or your beliefs about how much your relationship is helping you grow in the present moment can impact the way you connect with your partner.

This includes the day-to-day sense that you’re learning, experiencing new things or seeing the world differently because of your partner. It could be as simple as discovering a new favorite food because of them or realizing you’ve become more patient or open-minded through your time together.

In the 2024 study, researchers looked at how these present-focused perceptions affect relationships. They found that when partners felt their relationship was self-expanding in the now, they reported higher satisfaction and commitment in their daily lives.

Unlike self-expansion potential, these present perceptions didn’t predict relationship quality months later. However, they played an important role in keeping the connection strong in the here and now.

While future possibilities matter, it’s always important to notice what’s already enriching your life. This also helps you not take what you have for granted and be better engaged in your present reality. Feeling like you’re growing together in the present makes your relationship feel rewarding on a daily basis.

3. Doing New Things Together Strengthens Your Bond

Researches are now starting to highlight the importance of playfulness in life and in relationships.

Playfulness involves a sense of curiosity, lightheartedness and shared fun, which evidently adds another layer to a couple’s connection. Novelty combined with playful interaction can help create memorable moments and make you feel closer to your partner. For instance, you could explore a new place together, maybe try learning a skill together or even just try a new recipe.

In the 2024 study, this was called “behavioral self-expansion,” which refers to the actual engagement in activities that help you grow as a couple.

Researchers found that on days when partners did more of these novel and interesting things together, they reported higher daily satisfaction and commitment. While this effect appears to be strongest momentarily, it still highlights the fact that shared experiences, especially playful ones, can instantly uplift your connection.

This means that adding new experiences and moments of playfulness can keep your bond fresh and give you more to enjoy together. These experiences can also break patterns of tension and spark a spirit of teamwork in difficult moments.

Learning How To Embrace Growth Together

The concept of self-expansion in relationships shows that relationships are more than just companionship. They’re also a space for growth, both individually and together.

It’s important to remember that cultivating self-expansion starts with a mindset of curiosity and openness.

It’s equally important to stay aware and intentional in a relationship. This happens when you consciously notice what already makes your bond meaningful and are aware of what you’re grateful for in the relationship.

This awareness can help you see the potential for growth in the relationship. It also opens up space for you to imagine new experiences to try together, explore shared goals, dreams or individual areas of interest you could support each other in.

In a very real way, self-expansion works best when you view the relationship as a living and evolving space rather than existing in a fixed state. It’s essential to embrace a growth mindset in your relationship, because a couple that grows together is most likely to go the distance.

Wondering how your mindset affects the way you grow in life and relationships? Take this science-backed test to find out: Growth Mindset Scale