1 Surprising Personality Trait That Might Hold You Back In The Bedroom

Many people are inclined to believe that sexual satisfaction is determined by “performance” in the bedroom — either their own or their partner’s. In reality, however, there are more factors at play than you’d be able to count.

One of these factors, according to February 2025 research from Personality and Individual Differences, is emotional intelligence. In other words, your ability to recognize, understand and manage emotions could be playing an integral role in how fulfilling your sex life is.

Here’s four ways that emotional attunement might matter just as much (if not more) than physical prowess in the bedroom, according to the study.

1. Lower Attachment Avoidance And Anxiety

How you present yourself emotionally in your relationship can affect how you present yourself sexually, even if you don’t always realize it. Specifically, tendencies towards emotional distancing — such as trying to keep people at arm’s length, or feeling uneasy when someone gets too close — are often patterns that extend to the bedroom.

The same applies to overthinking. If you’re someone who worries a lot about whether your partner really cares about you, or what they’re thinking about you, you’ll likely notice these tendencies during sex, too.

These patterns are known as attachment avoidance and attachment anxiety, and they can make it especially difficult to relax during sex. However, the 2025 study found that people with higher emotional intelligence tend to have lower levels of these attachment issues. Emotional intelligence, in this sense, can help you unlearn the habit of constantly bracing for rejection, or worrying about saying or doing the “wrong” thing in bed.

Moreover, it reminds you to take note of the internal mechanisms that may be subliminally directing your thoughts and behaviors during sex — like why you might feel the urge pull away, or why you feel insecure or fearful of coming across as clingy. Once you’re able to make these self-reflections, you’ll find it easier to let these habits go and, in turn, start enjoying yourself.

2. Greater Comfort With Interpersonal Touch

We often think of sex as a standalone act, but most of what makes it feel good — or not — starts long before anything overtly sexual actually happens.

Gentle affectionate gestures usually are the prelude to intimacy, like a hand on your back, a caress on the cheek or even just cuddling in bed. If these forms of physical touch make you feel tense or shy outside of the bedroom, that discomfort will almost always carry over inside, too.

However, according to the Personality and Individual Differences study, people with higher emotional intelligence were generally more at ease with this kind of touch — which was associated with more satisfying sexual experiences overall.

In other words, people with higher emotional intelligence will find themselves more tuned in to what touch means to them, as well as what it means to their partner. And if something does really feel off, they’ll be much more comfortable speaking up about it or adjusting course, as opposed to freezing up or just grinning and bearing it.

3. Higher Body Appreciation

Bodily insecurities can make it incredibly hard to enjoy sex. For many people, they’re genuinely distracting: it leads them to place greater concern on what their partner is seeing, rather than on their own physical and emotional needs.

However, the 2025 study found that people with higher emotional intelligence struggled significantly less with these thoughts than others. They tended to have more appreciation for their bodies, which, in turn, was associated with better sexual satisfaction.

When you feel at ease in your own skin — or at least not at war with it — you’re more likely to let yourself fully experience pleasure without overanalyzing your every movement. Nothing can rip the joy out of sex more quickly than constantly reminding yourself to suck in your stomach or worrying about how revealing the lighting in the room is.

In this sense, emotional intelligence is incredibly helpful in experiencing and enjoying sex to the fullest. It’s nearly impossible to be present, let alone to feel pleasure, when you’re preoccupied with your own inner critic. Instead of spiraling over your perceived “flaws,” emotional intelligence helps you pinpoint the moments you’re being harsh with yourself.

More importantly, emotional intelligence also realigns your thoughts with reality. That is, that your partner is genuinely attracted to you — and that you wouldn’t be in bed with them if they weren’t. In turn, you can stop micromanaging your appearance and actually enjoy the moment for what it should be: two people showing appreciation for each other’s bodies.

4. Fewer Problematic Sexual Behaviors

Some individuals get caught in patterns of sexual behavior that feel more compulsive than enjoyable — in most cases, unknowingly. They’re constantly searching for the next opportunity for a sexual encounter, even at the cost of their relationship, their self-esteem or even their work.

A common misconception surrounding these problematic sexual behaviors is that they relate to how often a person is having sex, or how preoccupied they are with it. In reality, this isn’t the case; everyone has sexual thoughts from time to time, or even daily. Instead, the issue lies in the inability to quieten or resist these thoughts, rather than the thoughts themselves.

However, the study also found that people with higher emotional intelligence reported fewer of these kinds of thoughts and behaviors — and, again, more sexual satisfaction overall. In all likelihood, this is because they’re better at understanding what’s actually driving their desire, instead of just reacting to it without introspection.

For those who struggle to keep up with their libido, emotional intelligence can prevent sex from turning into a coping mechanism. With it, you’re more likely to notice the difference between wanting sex and needing it. You might realize when you’re chasing validation, distraction or stress relief — and start exploring other ways to meet those needs. In turn, when sex happens naturally, you can start to enjoy it in ways you might’ve previously been missing out.

Interested in improving your emotional intelligence? Taking this science-backed test is the best place to start: Emotional Quotient Inventory