3 Signs Your Partner Wants To Spend Their Life With You, By A Psychologist

Is your partner as serious about your relationship as you are? Based on psychological research, here are three surefire ways to tell.

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A lack of instability in long-term relationships is one of the most unmistakable signs of a healthy relationship. Yet, sometimes, this stability is conflated with monotony. Days flow into each other without any trouble at all, and partners are led to wonder whether the absence of friction in their relationship could be a sign of stagnation.

Yet, in so many cases, this very stability is proof of a solid, enduring form of love that has simply moved beyond the phase of volatile romance. The issue, then, becomes a matter of distinguishing between a relationship that has lost momentum, versus one that’s simply secure.

Thankfully, both research and clinical observations suggest that there are markers worth noticing. The following three might just be the ones you want to look out for.

1. They Work On Your Tomorrow, Today

Deep commitment often shows up in concurrent effort. Meaning, your partner channels their energy in both imagining a satisfying future for your relationship, while also taking small steps everyday to realize that vision. The difference between vague “someday” talk and concrete action is the difference between sentiment and intention.

Some tangible examples would be planning shared trips, a home purchase or a multi-year career move with you, and then actually following through with specific, logistical and emotional steps to turn those plans into a reality. Rather than merely accommodating you in their existing plans, they go above and beyond by making the effort to build new ones with you in mind.

The significance of this dual effort is underscored by a 2017 study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General. The study suggested that individuals are more likely to remain in relationships they believe will provide enduring happiness, rather than just immediate satisfaction. If your partner is taking practical steps toward a shared future, it is because they expect — and want — that future to be mutually fulfilling.

What’s important to note here is that these steps are not always explicit or dramatic. It could be as simple as them adjusting their work schedule to spend more time with you, or their making small financial decisions with your needs in mind.

2. They Interrupt Your Unhealthy Patterns

Even the most confident individuals aren’t exempt from developing patterns of self- and relationship sabotage. These patterns can be overt, like shutting down during a disagreement. And, in other cases, they might manifest internally, such as doubting your partner’s sincerity. When left unaddressed, these feelings and actions can fester, and might bubble up in misplaced ways. Cumulatively, though, they weaken the foundation of your relationship.

A partner who loves you deeply will not be able to passively observe when they see these patterns emerging. Instead, they will be more inclined to step in, directly if required, to interrupt them. Such interventions come from a place of care, and shouldn’t be mistaken for control.

The difference, of course, is the root intent. A partner committed to your growth will address harmful patterns without diminishing your self-worth. Their goal is to help you see yourself through their eyes: as capable, valuable and deserving of love.

This is consistent with findings from a 2010 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, which showed that when partners actively support each other’s personal growth, both the relationship and the individuals within it tend to flourish. Conversely, unsupportive or overly critical responses make change significantly harder, which may consequently add strain.

Support, in this context, is not simply emotional cheerleading. It is an unambiguous willingness to engage, even when the conversation is uncomfortable, for the sake of your and the relationship’s health.

3. They Pursue Personal Growth With The Relationship In Mind

When a partner chooses to improve themselves in a way that benefits them individually, while also ultimately benefitting the relationship, it’s a strong indicator that they’re in it for the long haul. Actions like these show an innate understanding that who they are as an individual can, in many ways, contribute to or subtract from the quality of the relationship.

Developing emotional regulation skills, addressing unhealthy habits or making lifestyle adjustments are all examples that can help you gauge your partner’s seriousness. While the benefits themselves are mutual, the initial decision to make the change usually begins with a recognition of how their behavior affects you. This can be a difficult task for someone who views love through the lens of an immature idealism, expecting everything to fall into place in a relationship without sacrifice or accommodation of any kind.

The specifics of these kinds of growth tend to differ from couple to couple. For instance, if a relationship is deficient in quality time spent together, a career pivot to a less stressful industry might be the antidote. The opposite might be true for a relationship where both partners spend all day together, who instead encourage one another to prioritize self-care.

What matters, then, is the intentionality. Truly healthy relationships are developed when partners recognize that investing in personal change is, by extension, investing in the relationship.

Note, however, that these changes are often both gradual and unglamorous. They may not result in instant gratification, nor will they seem like grand romantic gestures in the moment. But over time, they create a healthy atmosphere for a love more likely to stand the test of time.

The Thread That Connects Them

While these three signs may appear distinct, you may notice that they share a common foundation upon closer examination: deeply attuned thought, always paired with sustained action.

When viewed through this lens, you’ll notice commitment rarely only manifests in the form of emotion or affection. These alone likely won’t get you where you need to be. What matters is how those feelings translate into choices — often daily ones — that build both yourself and the relationship up, rather than tear it down.

Is your relationship simply surviving, or is it actively thriving? Take this science-backed test if you want to know the difference: Relationship Flourishing Scale