As you and your partner evolve, so does the language of love. Here are three underrated love languages that will keep intimacy alive in your relationship.
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By now, the concept of love languages, explored extensively by Gary Chapman, a marriage counselor and author of the bestselling book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, is practically relationship vocabulary.
Most people today can name their love language as easily as they can their zodiac sign. The concept has moved from therapy offices into everyday conversations. It acts as a common shorthand for many in understanding how they give and receive affection.
However, as you grow and move through different stages of life, the way you show love can change. For instance, in the early days of a relationship, it might be about surprise dates, long phone calls or little gestures like love notes slipped into a bag. But as life is consumed with more work, responsibilities or even raising a family, expressions of love can look different.
This could be as simple as making sure your partner eats when they’re too busy or even just simply being able to sit in comfortable silence together. Later in life, when routines slow down, love may show up as companionship in the form of, say, morning walks, caring for each other’s health or supporting each other through transitions.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re losing romance or that spark. You’re just deepening love through different stages of life. Each stage can bring new ways of letting each other know that you’re there for one another in every chapter of life.
So if love can evolve, what other “languages” do partners create as they grow together? Here are three underrated love languages that help build lasting connection.
1. The Language Of Shared Curiosity
Relationships usually begin with a rush of curiosity. You want to know everything about each other, such as what the other person likes or what they dream of. But over time, this natural curiosity can fade as life happens and routines take over.
When you choose to keep that curiosity alive, it can be one of the most underrated ways of showing love. It reminds your partner that they’re not someone you’ve “figured out,” but someone you’re still eager to grow with and learn about.
A 2019 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships examined nearly 100 couples. Researchers found that when partners engaged in self-expanding activities, referring to things that felt novel, exciting or helped them grow together, they reported greater relationship satisfaction and stronger intimacy. They even experienced higher sexual desire, were more affectionate and engaged in less conflict.
So, keeping curiosity and a sense of discovery alive in your relationship doesn’t just keep things interesting. It actively strengthens love on both emotional and physical levels.
When you’ve been together for a long time, it’s normal to assume you know your partner too well. But the truth is, even when you’ve known someone for years, there’s always more to discover, such as new thoughts, feelings and perspectives.
Research on college women exploring Facebook profiles found that women were most attracted to men when there was some uncertainty about how much the men liked them — more so than when they were told the men liked them a lot. Women in the uncertain condition also spent more time thinking about these men. This suggests that a little mystery can heighten attention and emotional engagement.
The key idea isn’t about playing games or keeping secrets. It’s about cultivating a sense of curiosity and an ongoing sense of learning about your partner.
Approaching your relationship with this mindset turns everyday interactions into opportunities to learn and grow together. It keeps the spark alive and reminds both partners that love is not a static achievement but a shared journey of exploration.
One simple way to enhance curiosity is by asking each other questions consistently, with the idea of getting to know each other better, instead of assuming you already know what your partner would say.
To do so, try asking questions you’ve never asked before or try something new together, no matter how small. Even something as simple as cooking a new dish or swapping books can become a doorway into rediscovering each other.
2. The Language Of Shared Silence
Silence gets a bad rap in relationships. It’s often viewed as awkward or even a sign of disconnection. But in healthy partnerships, silence can be something entirely different. It can be a space of ease; a moment where nothing needs to be said because both people already feel safe and connected.
Think of the calm that settles in when you’re reading side by side or simply sitting together after a long day. These quiet moments reveal a deeper level of comfort, where the other person’s presence alone feels enough to stay connected.
This is why parallel play, a skill generally associated with children, can be surprisingly beneficial for couples. Engaging in different activities while sharing the same space teaches couples to enjoy each other’s company without pressure. It’s a reminder that love doesn’t always require constant interaction, and simply being able to coexist in harmony is enough.
A 2024 study published in Motivation and Emotion supports this. Researchers found that intrinsically motivated silence, which is silence chosen because it feels natural, comfortable or meaningful, is linked to more positive emotions. It led to couples feeling greater relationship satisfaction and deeper closeness. This kind of silence meets basic psychological needs like feeling safe and connected.
Choosing to share silence with your partner becomes its own love language. It sustains love through the comfort and intimacy of simply being together.
3. The Language Of Shared Humor
We’ve all heard that “laughter is the best medicine,” and it couldn’t be more true. In relationships, humor, when used in the right context, can help ease tension and create a shared sense of playfulness and jokes that are personal to a couple.
When partners can laugh together, whether over something silly, an awkward situation or even in the middle of a disagreement, it signals trust and safety. Humor can help you and your partner reframe challenges in ways that strengthen your bond instead of breaking it.
Research on 98 dating couples examined how different types of humor, primarily affiliative (positive, inclusive and warm) versus aggressive (sarcastic or critical), influenced relationship satisfaction and conflict resolution.
Couples completed questionnaires about their relationship and participated in a videotaped conflict discussion. They answered follow-up questions about their emotional experience and problem-solving.
Researchers found that partners who used more affiliative and less aggressive humor during conflicts were more satisfied with their relationships. They also felt closer to each other and experienced better problem resolution.
This highlights how humor, when used thoughtfully, can be a powerful tool for managing tension and strengthening intimacy. It also serves as caution that negative or aggressive humor can undermine relationship satisfaction and closeness.
Humor can be a deliberate way of showing care and attunement to your partner. By sharing jokes and moments of lightheartedness, couples create a private language that signals “I see you, I enjoy being with you,” turning humor into a distinct and powerful love language.
In this way, humor is about more than a joke or a moment of levity. It’s a way of saying, “Even when things get hard, we can still find joy together.”
Embracing Effort And Growth As A Couple
The most meaningful relationships are those that evolve with time. As life changes and partners grow, so will the ways they express love. Relationships thrive when couples remain open and adaptable. You need to be willing to move beyond rigid expectations of what love “should” look like or how things “used to be.”
What once came effortlessly in the early days of a relationship, such as spontaneous dates, long conversations or constant excitement, can sometimes feel like deliberate effort as time goes on. This is not a sign that love is fading. Rather, it reflects the natural evolution of connection where sustaining intimacy and closeness requires conscious attention.
Approaching these moments with intentional effort shows that you are committed to growing together through every stage of life.
Which love language makes you feel most loved? Take this science-backed test to find out: Love Language Scale