Dilemma: How Can I Get Rid Of The Love I Have For Him?

2013/2014 While I was in secondary school, I had a crush on a guy (Gbenga) but I never showed it, he was close to my best friend's boyfriend.

Later on, Gbenga came to me and told me he has interest in me for a long time but couldn't tell it out, after a month. I decided to give him a chance.... We started dating, after a week he started misbehaving, I see him a lot with different girls in school, I do feel jealous and called him to ask him about the girls, he will always deny it.

Later I got to know he's dating another close friend of mine. After a month, had to let go since the relationship is not working out. After some months. A guy (Vincent) from Gbenga's class walked up to me boldly to tell me he also have interest in me. I refuse to date Vincent because I still love Gbenga. Vincent kept on disturbing me and I kept loving the guy that never looked my side. 

To cut the story short I later got to know that Vincent is Gbenga's best friend. I really wanted to take revenge on Gbenga for all he did to me, so I decided to date Vincent. Vincent changed everything about me. He is Handsome, honestly, caring and will go extra miles for me. Always buy me things. We spent hours together everyday. We share a lot of memories together. He will always come to my side and I do go to his side.

My parents got to know and they always beat the hell out of me telling me am still young to start having relationship. That is how I fell in love with Vincent. After we finished our secondary school We still get along with each other not until I gained admission 2015. Things changed, we couldn't reach each other again.... Later I started living a different life without Vincent...... I never forget Vincent. Now Vincent is back and  Am in another relationship which have known my fiance family.

What should I do???

Comments Reply
  • My dear I advise you sort yourself together and settle for what interests you in life, pursue your destiny to become great and be happy, take things slow and the right man meant for you will come. You will definitely get the right man if you take things slowly preventing you from jumping from one man to another.

    - Nenye Anyigaenwe - 2019-09-27 18:36:51 Quote

  • The little answer have that u should go and meet a true man of God for prayer not only the man of God but you yourself should also engage yourself in prayer 

    I know my God will never disappoint his children nor leader them astray

    May God help us all

    - SHAIBU KEHINDE MERCY - 2019-09-27 18:41:35 Quote

  • What you should do is to first pray about it....then sit down to think about who u c ur future with....who you have strong feelings for....who you feel can complete you as a woman...someone that you know will respect the value of woman in you ..and not just be a figure head husband.....weigh the both of them on wat they have to offer...I don't mean necessarily monitarily .... Other aspect .... After doing that u should know who worth u. ..Then go for him... Do it with wisdom . .oeace#

    - ADEYEMO OMOLOLA - 2019-09-27 18:44:06 Quote

  • If you are happy with your present relationship I will say you should stay with your present guy. That Vincent you might have known in secondary school might have changed. You should not leave what you are sure of especially if you are happy with it to what you think you use to know. Change is constant 

    - Okereka Destiny Efejeror - 2019-09-27 18:45:57 Quote

  • My advice for you is to follow your heart.

    Because if you leave the guy you are dating before, and later date that Vincent. To that guy it will be like you cheat him, and he can't even forgive you till he die. And since you and the guy also love each other, why can't you move on, and ask Vincent himself to find another person that he will live the rest of his life with.

    So, as I said earlier. Follow your Hearts

    - Oyekola Olamide - 2019-09-27 18:51:00 Quote

  • Knowing your fiancee family does not mean you are engage talkless of married, a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage, if your body is with your fiancee and your soul or your heart is not with vincent ,is dangerous for your future, it is better you go for the one you love so that your dream won't be charttered.

    - Elizabeth Babalola - 2019-09-27 18:51:57 Quote

  • Hmm it's a delicate situation but as for me I will advise that you should just try and forget about this vicent of a guy. If your fiance love you so much just keep the relationship with him cause you dont even know if this Vincent love you truly or not.

    - Adebayo Omowumi - 2019-09-27 18:56:29 Quote

  • I would advise that you stay with your fiancé and since you’ve moved on, you should try and forget about vincent this could only considered if you don’t have complications with your present relationship but if you do I would say you should move on with who makes you happy because that’s the only cause for you to be in a relationship..HAPPINESS!!!anything aside this shouldn't be considered 

    - Makinde Adedotun - 2019-09-27 18:59:23 Quote

  • It is not a difficult situation like you have presented it. First of all are you sure that the guy you call your fiance is serious about you because it is one thing to know his family and another to really be accepted by them. If your answer is yes i think you just let Vincent be. He will find out is bone of his bone someday 

    Even if this is a serious situation i just want to let you know also that you caused it. Why engage in relationships that would only end up being complicated. 

    - Samuel ogunshina - 2019-09-27 19:08:35 Quote

  • Hmm... This is a serious one but my advice here goes like this...

    Since you are in a new relationship, I suggest you should move on with that because he is planning to marry you which is not a bad idea but you should let Vincent know about everything dear.

    - Obalu Johnkennedy Kenechukwu - 2019-09-27 19:09:58 Quote

  • Wow, since you're already in a very serious relationship that is Abt to result into marriage...

    The question now is, will you terminate your present relationship because of your secondary school lover? He might not have plans of marrying you.... you are no longer a kid,the choice is yours... You know whats best for you

    - Elunwa Joshua - 2019-09-27 19:12:48 Quote

  • First of all Gbenga is history, Vincent came into your life and made you special but distance sets in again, you didn't decide to wait for him, because you didn't say if he waited for you too. Since you have moved on and have met another person who is now your fiance, I will advise you to apologise to Gbenga and tell him to move on, just move on if not you might end up loosing the both of them. 

    - Agaba Oluwaseun - 2019-09-27 19:22:46 Quote

  • Just continue with your present relationship.Don't think about dating Vincent again because it's been long you guys last talked to each other or even be with each other.you have no idea if he is still the same vincent you use to know.He might have changed during the time you guys were apart.

    - Victor Anodoro - 2019-09-27 19:30:03 Quote

  • Strong dilemma indeed! But so will happen only if you makes a wrong decision! As I have being saying it, a love relationship is not a simple thing as many think! Its a matter of something that can metamorphos into a marriage, which could lead to production of Children, which 100% means your FUTURE!, who knows the end? Nobody! 

    If so is the case, so this life has to be done together with the person that you truly loves. Don't deceived yourself by given a chance to the person that you didn't really love, Stick to Vincent, this will be better.

    - Najib Sani - 2019-09-27 19:35:40 Quote

  • Hhhhmmmm.... This one weak me but what I would suggest you do is, since you guys have moved on for sometimes, why not just let the past and just continue, you guys should just be friend and am not saying you guys should be friend with benefit poo, so you won't say another gbenga is here telling you to go back to Geneva again oo

    - Adebayo Gbenga - 2019-09-27 19:41:37 Quote

  • Vincent is back but do you think he's the same Vincent you knew,change is very constant an d cannot be avoided,what if he's not the guy you use to know?...if you don't love your fiance I don't think you guys will get to the level of meeting each other's parents,so it's better for you to move on with your life and concentrate on your present relationship

    - Akinkuebi Boluwatife - 2019-09-27 19:44:28 Quote

  • You and Vincent were apart from each other and now he is back to the area that does not necessarily mean he is back to your life. I suggest you move on with your fiancé and don't ruin your future with past pleasures. For all we know Vincent might have lost interest in you after all.

    - Ndukwe Ikechukwu - 2019-09-27 19:46:57 Quote

  • My advice is that you should stop and think about what you want. Don't be controlled by your emotions. If you love your fiance go ahead and transfer the love you have for Vincent to him. It won't be easy but little by little you'll get over the emotions you have for him.

    - Victor Ifeanyi - 2019-09-27 19:52:56 Quote

  • Vincent came into your life and made you special..then distance sparated you for sometime and you lost patient..since you still gat love for vincent despite the new partner, just take the matter to a believing pastor let him pray for you to help you go with you life partner

    - Odion Glory - 2019-09-27 20:17:57 Quote

  • 'Start it  today, it will be used to you' that's an adage its for you. Distance separated it. Maybe it is not possible again to have him back. But if you really more inlove or wanttto be inlove with the new partner then little by little try and forget your past then the love transfer to the new partner little by little because I know too well its not easy.

    - Christopher Cornelius - 2019-09-27 20:25:02 Quote

  • Hmm, Love is quite constructive but also destructive dear and in this situation of yours youve been through both. Considering gbenga as a lost cause and a forgotten one, the decision still lies in the circle of Vincent and your fiance, you made a mistake of not been patient after Vincent lack of communication, he was going through a new phase in life and that's not easy but another thing that isnt easy is marriage.

    The solution to this is within you my dear, search your heart for who you love most and if it happens to be Vincent, make sure you make the findings thate he's still the sweet Vincent you knew and not a changed person that would do you no good. So choose wisely!

    - Yusuff Abdurrahman - 2019-09-27 20:25:24 Quote

  • Well it seems you lack consistency,if you had given one of them time things wouldn't have been complicated now.between Vincent and the present guy in your life is the battle you need wisdom to fight.my advice is that you must go for the best man in your life.

    - Christopher Gwaze - 2019-09-27 20:52:40 Quote

  • The question is ,do u truly love him and how sure are u that he loves you in return, things has changed since after your separation with him. If he claims to love you, does he have what you need. I believe you are mature enough to know what you need

    - Okonkwo Blessing - 2019-09-27 21:18:39 Quote

  • First it wasn't your fault that you lost contact with Vincent based on what you have just narrated so Vincent has nothing to do about your new relationship. Since you already have someone all you need to do is keep loving your fiance and forget about Vincent.

    - Emmanuel Jacob - 2019-09-27 21:23:48 Quote

  • This issue is complicated but I can still proffer a solution. I think you should just make it clear to your new boyfriend that you have someone you are in love with so that the situation won't get worst. If you don't tell him now,a day would come when you and Vincent will meet and Vincent would begin to think you cheated on him. Also,your new boyfriend would be angry you didn't tell him you had a crush before. So it's your decision to make.

    - Emmanuel Agbasielo - 2019-09-27 21:28:01 Quote

  • Yes baby I am going back on the only have you are the one day is not mean it will not able to me and my phone is the time for you have the same time with you have the same time with you can do the same time with you can do the same thing to go out with you know how many people in a new phone number for a few things that he was the way back 

    - Busari Micheal - 2019-09-27 21:48:15 Quote

  • Well dear, I want to believe you actually love your current boyfriend to be able to call him your fiancee who your families know. And if you're sure he truly live a you too, then forget about Vincent cos even Vincent is aware that now, he's your ex-boyfriend.

    I'll advise you do not meet him alone or in private places and please do inform your boyfriend cos that will help a great deal. 

    - Abimbola Jemilat - 2019-09-27 21:49:06 Quote

  • Truth of the matter is you stopped loving the said Vincent because what I know is that if you fall in love with two people let the first go because if you truly love the first you would not fall in love with another person 

    - Agbozie Daniel - 2019-09-27 22:04:41 Quote

  • Hmm... This is a strong one but my advice here goes like this...

    Since you are in a new relationship, I advice you should move on with that because he is planning to marry you which is not a bad idea but you should let Vincent think about everything dear.

    - DOLIPOP DOLIPOP - 2019-09-27 22:22:56 Quote

  • God has a purpose for each and every one of us. I strongly believe it shall come to pass. Do not let your heart to be troubled as the holy scripture says. Remain focus, let go the past and be strong. The rightful man will definitely come your way someday, only trust in GOD. 

    - Michael Eboh - 2019-09-27 22:29:14 Quote

  • My dear, if you're still in love with Vincent and you know within yourself that he is someone you can spend the rest of your life with and you're convinced that you love him. Let your university relationship go, Vincent has been there for you for long, and you never can tell what happened along the line with him. Go back to him if you still loves him.

    - Saviour Friday Dick - 2019-09-27 22:55:01 Quote

  • That depends on who you love and trust most among the two, and you can't tell if Vincent has changed from the man you used to know him before back in secondary school. So you need to settle for what you trust and love.

    - Isomkwo Clement - 2019-09-27 23:09:06 Quote

  • Sort out your life and don't let relationship or love define who I will become

    You're so much more..and distance shouldn't have been a barrier for you if there was love

    - Joseph Lawrence - 2019-09-27 23:12:31 Quote

  • I'd advise you to strongly pray as marriage isn't something you walk into with a lot of loose ends tailing you ...a guy you still love..if you want the marriage to work out you'd have to end the relationship. If not you go for Vincent.. But Vincent is he ready for a major commitment as compared to the other guys?

    - Vitus Daniel - 2019-09-27 23:18:06 Quote

  • The Vincent  you knew back then in secondary  school might  not  be  the  same  today. Ask God for  his inintervention first but l advise you not to leave for  ur present  relationship  if you are  happy  with  him.

    - kosisochukwu Blessing - 2019-09-27 23:24:28 Quote

  • I don't believe u don't know wat to do coz if u shld read a thousand comment the choice is still urs.... Vincent has gone for a long time n am very sure if you don't feel save in ur present relationship you won't say He is your fiance.... So wats dere to confuse you again????

    The ball is in ur court....

    - Matthew Abayomi - 2019-09-27 23:27:59 Quote

  • Omo you have to put your self together. You have to go for who your heart tells you to go for. As for me I think you should leave that your former boyfriend Vincent .. you are the one that made a mistake  at the first time by going for another person, any way shape it's not your fault since both of you lose contact . But you have to tell Vincent that you have gotten another person . That the only truth 

    - Adirika Chisom - 2019-09-27 23:35:09 Quote

  • Oh girl you are trying oo. Picking and dropping guys at will and you are too young at that. I will advise you to remove your mind  from boys and discover your talent in life. Engage in meaningful things like academic, have a purpose what and how you want your future to be as a woman. Having a boyfriend isn't an achievement.  By the time you become a fulfilled woman, qualified men will hunt you. Goodluck 

    - Stella Maurison - 2019-09-27 23:46:36 Quote

  • Hey sis, I would advise you not to allow things of the past to dissuade you from looking on to your glorious future. The fact that Vincent is m back does not mean he still loves you deeply. He might just try to take advantage of you. 

    - Jesuseyi Jesuleye - 2019-09-27 23:59:39 Quote

  • One thing I know is that we shouldn't marry out of pity but this situation is very diplomatic.  Do you think the new Vincent is the old one, change is constant dear. And moreso if you still love him you can give him a chance you shouldn't marry because of any one, marry the one your heart chooses.

    - Muritala atensinse - 2019-09-28 07:11:27 Quote

  • You have moved on with your life up to the point of getting engaged and there is no going back. I think the problem here is that you didn't officially break up with Vincent, not your feelings for him. You will just have to tell him the truth, that you are in a relationship and infact you are engaged already. I'm sure he will understand and won't bother you, that would make things easier for you.

    - Aliyu Gana Aliyu - 2019-09-28 07:43:11 Quote

  • Just because your old lover showed up doesn't mean you still love him. You might still be slightly attracted to him but don't because of that cut off your present relationship. Be sure before you take any actions. 

    - Mofolu Ayo - 2019-09-28 08:46:10 Quote

  • I honestly don't see a complication here, tell Vincent that you have moved on and he should too after all you said you were living a different life of which I don't understand, don't complicate the matter by still going out with Vincent

    - George Belema - 2019-09-28 09:09:31 Quote

  • You need to be clear about your relationship goals please. And from your story one can point out lesson to the young ones that it isn't right to jump into a relationship at the secondary school level. You will end up having a distorted view about life

    One thing I can advise you to do is try to reason who you would like to settle down with. That's period 

    - Victor Oladele - 2019-09-28 09:33:58 Quote

  • It's tough

    But you have to let Vincent go and you should settle down with the new guy

    How sure are you that Vincent wants to settle down with you?

    Settle for what you have already

    Stay away from vincent with time the feelings will go

    - Benjamin Okoh - 2019-09-28 10:33:44 Quote

  • The problem here is that you never care to wait to understand why the other relationships did not work out, now that Vincent is back  ,the question you ask yourself is, do I  have genuine love to the other guy is you have for Vincent, every relationship must be built on genuine love and trust, please go for the one you have genuine love for. 

    - Maxwell Nwachi - 2019-09-28 10:35:39 Quote

  • Don't get your self twisted my dear, you need to put your self together and decide on what you want .. It might get you a hard time in the way that you would be under lots of thoughts but the ball is in your court of play , you need to it well and remember don't miss your target ... 

    - Paschal Iheanyichukwu - 2019-09-28 10:36:40 Quote

  • The task at hand for you is going to be difficult because of the love you have for him, just be very patient with yourself and take it step by step in forgeting him it is a process that takes time and if you are the patient type, in no time you would move on and forget about him.

    - emeka ofuonye - 2019-09-28 10:57:50 Quote

  • Well, this kind of situation is not at all your fault, but it has to do with you too.Since you know you can't do with out Vincent and you still harbour feelings for him ,you should have waited and not go ahead and get attached to someone else. You are literally creating problems for yourself. But the best you can do is to follow your heart. Decide who will give you joy,peace and happiness between them. Someone you want to spend your life with and then you choose between them. Do it carefully as not to break any body's heart.

    - Ilesanmi Abayomi Elijah - 2019-09-28 11:20:32 Quote

  • Sometimes it is quite difficult to let go of someone we truly and deeply love but as the saying goes though, Time heals. You have to relax and take things slow. Access yourself properly and most importantly try to let go of him. You can't keep holding on to something that doesn't want to stay. Clear the mess in your head before you go again

    - Temitope John - 2019-09-28 12:36:42 Quote

Others are reading