How Hollywood, Bollywood, Nollywood Influence My Rape Experience
As a teenager i read a lot of novels and i watched a lot of movies, with this scene, the female character looks in his eyes and sees lust, she moves back and he moves closer until she is cornered in the wall, she tells him to stop but he covers the remaining distance steps in her personal space and kisses her, she doesn't kiss him back for a while, she starts moaning stop, she slaps him and leaves smiling and giddy because of the kiss I remember being happy with the character for getting her happily ever after. Until i experienced mine.
I followed this guy to his house it was impromptu but i knew we had to talk, he liked me but i didnt share his feeling but have told him that numerous time but he is persistent. We got to his house he had some friends over. I felt relieved until he stood up and held my hand motioning to me to follow suit, i was scared i didnt want to go but i remembered he promised he would not force me to do anything and i didnt want to embarass him so i followed him, i figured if he try anything I'll scream, so i left deciding to have faith in humanity.
We got to his room and started talking, we talked and i tried to make him understand but he was persistent, he told me he will wait for me to be ready. Apparently, his ex cheated on him and he would like to avoid the same occurrence. I told him no, it didnt make sense to me, i didnt even want him to wait, he begged me, tried convincing me but i refused and stood up to leave, he also stood up but went to remove the key. I could not cry.
He pushed me to the bed and kissed me i didn't respond, he then started to remove my jeans, i held unto it not willing to part with it but he was strong, i tried pulling my head away from his and succeeded, but he then focused on pulling my jeans, he pulled it to my thigh and tried fingAring me but i used my hands to cover my [email protected] He used the opportunity to pull off my jeans and i used the opportunity to crawl away.
He could not remove my round neck top so he just unhooked my bra rolled my top up and put is hands through my shirt and fondled my [email protected], i tried crying but i couldn't i beg him and fought him, i tried to make him understand but he was not having it, time passed as he tried to penetrate ( he struggled to open my thighs but i struggled to shut it) and i fought him, begged him and tried to negotiate he finally gave up after all my twisting, turning, begging, threats but he did finger me and left my br**st sore, he asked me if i was a lesbian and told me even lesbians have s8x with men.
I took the opportunity and told him when i am ready i will let him, he was exhausted and complied, i stood up sweating and breathing rapidly and wore my jeans, he opened the door but kissed me before letting me out, his friends where gone. He told me he would not have raped me.
But i could feel the adrenaline in my body and the bruised muscle in my thigh and knew he was lying if i didnt fight, if i gave in he would have raped me at that moment. I got to my hostel on the brick of tears, i felt it was my fault that i provoked him, i felt stupid i should have never trusted him and gone to his house, i felt like a wh*re when i felt the fluid in my [email protected], i should not have been turned on, i should not have allowed him touch me, i hated myself and told no one until few weeks after. I limped for a few days because my thigh hurts like a b*tch.
The society defines rape when an old looking, ugly man threaten you or just simply use violence to force you to have s8x with him, but No!!, rape is about consent, i said no numerous times but he didnt listen, so it was rape, but my mind made me believe it was "almost rape".
Hollywood, Bollywood and Nollywood disguise rape as a romantic gesture, as the guys somehow knows what the lady wants more than herself, he seemed to know what was best for her, in the movies, he seem to think orgasm is better than self respect and principles and the girl gave in. Yes kissing is nice s8x feels good but only on my terms, when am ready i will bring my own condom, if i do it before that he will enjoy it not me, it is my body and i would use it the way i want.
Say No to rape!!
Am glad i did not give in with his force, i remembered feeling like a kid who doesnt know what she wants, he even tried to coerce me by saying things like i will just put the tip, you will enjoy it, it wont pain you, i will use condom, you wont get pregnant, i will pull out, it is because i love you, i will be gentle and all, but i knew better.