When I was a kid I always find joy from my family, when my dad and mum were still together, every morning was a blessed morning to me and my siblings, but I don't know how it happened my dad got married to another wife from is work place, This turn everything upside down my dad doesn't come again as he did, my mum doesn't finding shelter for us, Me and my elder sister always wanted to see our dad.
But on this issue mum organized how we will get to our dad to spend our vacation. On getting there we are very happy, and the first we get there we were treated like a prince but the second was quite hard. we are not having any issue with our dad second wife but we are having issue with our own dad. always screaming at us. we don't even know what we do to deserve this, we think we only came for vacation but our vacation is going to 3and half year now we are not allowed to go back to mum.
Sometime I feel like killing myself but my sister have always been my piority I can't leave to suffer like this and this where I noticed my behavior have changed, I get angry easily, sometimes things that are not worth fighting for I fight for it. I don't talk easily with any person, am getting harsh.
Please how can I find myself?
Thank God you have discovered whom you are and the source of your hostility. See all what you are facing as a challenge. Once you know what your dad is doing is not good, then you guide against that and don't emulate any of his character so that what you learned from your dad will not affect your own home and marriage as well.
All you need to do is try your best possible not to emulate his character, since you are old enough to realize that your dad's behaviour is really bad and it has affected you in a way. You should try to overlook his behaviours and make sure the effect it has on you doesn't escalate from how it is. Just do the opposite of what he is doing and pray always, with time you will become a better person.
We most times like to copy our parent's characters even without a second thought, this has left us biting our finger later. It's a good thing you discovered your traits Early, try to talk sense into yourself by counting to 100 when your temper is high, seek advice from good characters around you. Pray to God for a perfect Change in you and the family as a whole.
From how I see it, I don't think your father can change though it is said that old age does change people. You're an adult and it's about time you decided on your own path and the kind of parent you'll be to your own children. Working on yourself and your flaws to improve how you treat people is very important at this stage so as to change how things are with your own children
It's so sad this is coming from your dad, considering how much we hold our dads in high esteem. But all the same, since you're aware of the root cause of your behavior, i'll advice you consciously work on changing this new attitude and hence forth, don't allow what your dad do, get to you personally even though it is difficult and lastly, hand the matter over to God in prayers.