My Mental Health Disorder And How It Has Affected Me!!!
I have a problem, more like a mental health disorder, lately it has increased and I'm trying my hard to control it, im also experiencing sleep paralysis and much more disease I'm yet to figure out, lately I've been dead in my sleep too many times, but I'm lucky i sleep next to my bro, he beats the hell out of me before i could wake up, some say it's severe anxiety,
I literally can't control my mind.
I'm trying not to think about some things, but it feels like there is something in my mind that's eating me up,
I'd be sitting and typing or watching movies, next min i will be thinking about thousand ways to my death, i think about someone pushing me into an ocean, i think about getting hit by a car, i think about tripping over something or hiting my head so bad that everything just off, i imagine different things and ways to die.
For example, what jumping out my apartment window on the 4th floor would feel like, i constantly think about getting hit by a car while walking down the street, or I imagine not waking up from my sleep paralysis.
Some of these thoughts are normal but it got so bad that it was affecting my daily life, they say it's
Elonchrophobia- social anxiety and mad insecurities but
Then schizophrenia hits me hard,
I could be crying over something that I created with my own mind and it'd seem real, I starved myself but instead of dying it gave me ulcer and my insecurities lead to anorexia,
There's not a reason really.... So I went to a therapist, and he told me something, he said that almost everyone has thoughts like this, but the difference is whether you give those thoughts meaning. he gave an example of people who are walking might think suddenly about walk into the opposite side of the road so cars could accidentally hit them but then they might shake that thought away, and go about their day. For me, I was giving the thoughts meaning, purpose.
I started thinking so deeply that something was wrong with me…am I crazy? I did my own research too. There is a form of OCD called Pure OCD, that causes violent or scary thoughts to torment you. I brought that up to my therapist as I have other forms of OCD as well. Although he couldn't say if that was what I had, I am always afraid of dying at any second, I think about my apartment burning down while I'm not around, or am being stuck inside my apartment, crazy scary things. I ended up deciding that some mild low dose Anti anxiety medication (Cipralex) might help stabilize my mind enough to deal with this myself.
I seriously need help on this. Hoping to find any solution to this right here. Thank you