My name is Adebayo I'm an undergraduate in one of the best university here in Nigeria.. I met this wonderful, loving and charming lady some few months ago, she happens to be an igbo girl.. I truly love this girl that I thought I've met a woman after my own heart.. I thought the next thing for me was to walk down the aisle with her...
One day I took her home and introduce her to my mum, I was surprised and dumbfounded when my mum rejects her on the basis that she is an igbo girl.. And I cannot marry outside my tribe according to her.. "This relationship cannot work and it will not work not when I'm still alive " she said
I asked her why would she reject the first ever girl I brought home to introduce to you.. If you are ever going to marry it had to be from our tribe ie yoruba tribe.. Truth is we love each other and her parents has already consented to the relationship.
Right now I'm so confused . Don't know what to do.. Opinions and views are gladly welcome..
Once there is love and understanding between you and her, just try and make your mother understand but if she persist and stand still go and get married to yourself moreover she is not the one getting married you are. This tribal and religious sentiment is killing us in this country. My brother ride on their is always a challenge in everything but at the end there is something positive.
Many parents still live in the pre-colonial era of ethnic discrimination and tribalism and this the reason Nigeria is still divided. My advice is try to reason with your mom, give her time but if she refuses to see reason and you are sure this girl is the one for you, go ahead and get a court wedding because it is you who will be in the marriage for better or worse not your mother.
It is truly a difficult situation. Some parents are very tribal when it comes to marriage. The igbos do not want their sons or daughters to marry a Yoruba and the same goes with the Yoruba parents. Though few are tolerant enough to allow their children to inter-marry. Unfortunately your mother falls to the group that will not tolerate inter-tribal marriage. I will not advice you to disobey your mother but I will advice you to try and reason with her. May be with time she will change.
Sit your mum down and talk to her gently and with full respect. She will definitely have reasons for her action. It might be things she have seen,heard or even experience before. After she must have explained everything to you,try and convince her. Explain to her how much you love your girl
This is what I can tribal discrimination..sometimes I wonder why some of our parents interethnic marriage.my advice for you is that you should listen to your mum and obey her instructions because we don't know what will happen tomorrow
This is one of the problem people face before getting married. Parents shouldn't be the one to choose who to marry for their children. Its so obvious that your mother is tribalistic. What you can do is to sit her down and tell her why you wanna marry the girl. Make her understand that there are possibilities of your meeting a yoruba girl and yet you won't love her at all. She shouldn't be the one to choose for you. If she chooses for you and trouble comes up in the marriage, she wont be there to bear the pain with you. So its better you go for the one you love. If you find it difficult to convince her, seek the consent of the elders in the family, they should know what to do.
Parents approval are really important but I don't think parents should deny their children happiness. If you really love her talk to your mother some more, if she refuses you too refuse to get married unless it's your choice, then she will consent to it.
All you have to do is seat your mum down and talk to her, explain things to her that your mind is made up and it's either she supports your wedding or not either way it's going to take place. I'm sure no mother would want to miss out on her sons wedding
This is so painful, although parents consent is needed in any relationship before marriage but you said you love her. Bro listen to your Mother advice because mother's are always right in anyways. It may be from your family lineage to not to marry from another tribe. Please be patient and be pleased with your mother's advice.
This interceptions by parents have cause alots of disunity in our country today.if you really love this igbo girl do not mind what is currently going on between you and your parent.talk to them let them understand the advantage of marrying from another tribe.it brings your wife tribe and yours very close for good.
My suggestion to this issue is you ask your mother the reason she refused you getting married outside of your tribe because she's not only particular to the igbo tribe but any tribe outside yours. There is always a reason behind any decisions made, if her reasons are not justifiable then you need to let her know how deeply you are in love with the girl and would do anything to make sure you both are together. Parents advice are for the best but sometimes you don't just blindly follow them. You make them see things from your angle as well and perhaps you may be able to convince them
Your mum is not the one going to live with your wife you are the one going to decide who you marry not your mum...she might not like the girl but make her understand that in love and sight of God there is no discrimination amongst tribes
Tibalism is a thing we are still striving to conquer in this present day society.. Who knows your mum saying you shouldn't marry from another tribe might have her reasons, remember mothers know best, all I would advice you to do is to sit her down when she is very calm and talk to her, hear what she has to say, am sure she has your best interest at hand, try to convince her, you are her son , make her see how inlove you are with the lady in question.. Am sure a mother wouldnt turn down the pleas of her dear son
Personally, I feel that one's tribe or ethnicity does not matter in a relationship, once you guys love yourself then that's all and thus sit your mom down and ask her if there is no other reason for her rejection and if there is not then make her understand that love is the main basis of any relationship and not tribe
Most of our parents want us to marry from our tribe only forgetting that all we need in marriage is the bone from our bone.If this is the case you should talk to your mother and profess your love for your woman to her and make her realize why it works out with her and not other ladies.Also let her realize that the marriage is all about your peace of mind and that’s what matters but be polite while telling this to your mother.
If you truly love this girl, then fight for love. Don't just give up so easily. Let your mom know that love is the most important thing in any relationship not tribe. Make her to understand how much you guys love each other. If possible cry and beg her. I believe that with time, she will give her approval.
Pure tribalistic discrimination!!!!! You're in a dilemma right now! If you go for love and marry her you won't get your mothers' blessings and if you listen to your mom,you're forfeiting love. I think you should discuss it with your mom ,maybe she'll understand if she doesn't my brother if you love her go with your heart.
That is as a result of illitracy and myopism on the part of your mother. The world is now a global village where anything is possible. You should prevail on your mother through her pastors or elders to convince her and let her see the far reaching advantages it has for the relationship to hold. It is bond of uniting the nation Nigeria, so try and convince your mother and marry that girl.
It's not going to be easy trying to convince your mom to consent to you getting married to her. But you can't give up either, seems you said you love her and her parent agrees to the Union, just try and make your Mom understand. And if she doesn't, sometimes, we have to make our stand.
This is really unfair and injustice, you just have to let them explain the reason for not allowing you to marry this Igbo girl because there can be hidden reasons for them saying no, maybe it is against the tradition of your generation or family to go outside the tribe of Yoruba, you have to beg them to explain to you in details
Gone are the Days when we allow our parents make decision for us. I, personally don't see anything wrong with inter-ethnic marriage. It promotes peace & socio-cultural development.
So, I think you should stand your ground. But, before that, I think you should seek the face of GOD. Make sure you are towing the right path before standing firm on it!
I believe that they respect you as you respect them as your parents. You have to give them cogent reason why you choose an Igbo girl over your tribe's girl. Tell them that you are please with her and anything short of her will be unhappiness. I equally believe that you are financially independent, because if not, you do not have control over such situation. If you are to manage your family all by yourself, they will listen but if not for now, brother it will take God's grace for her to accept.
Tribalism should not have a say on who to marry or not. Just because she is from a different tribe than you does not mean you should not marry her.Try talking to your mum and make her see reasons why you want to marry I believe she will understand because the Joy of every parent is to see their children Happy.
Most parents through experience dislike intermarriage with some tribe but your mom is different, she want a Yoruba girl. First discuss with mom to know why she prefers a home girl. Then assure her of the change in the present generation, we need to move on. No matter what you need her blessing. If she disagree then look for someone she respect and take your case to the person and let the person intervene. Above all, pray for favor with everyone.
I will just advice you to keep pleading her and make her understand that you really love her, if possible you can seek a help from some elders in her family to help talk to her on your behave and am sure she will do as your wish last last
we discussed about something relating to this the other time, concerning tribalism... and if our people will do away with this tribe difference,things will go well with everyone including themselves,so i advise them to go ahead and get married... moreover it is not your parents who will choose a wife/husband for you.
We're in an age where parent's don't dictate what kind of girl to marry for their children, rather they guide their children on how to marry right. Besides after the marriage it's the child that will live with his or her spouse not the parents. That said talk to your mom in a cool atmosphere and do your best to convince her why you should marry the love of your life and everything will be fine
The bases of a true relationship is love, understanding, compatibility, trust, tolerance and obedience... If this 6 features are there then, go ahead and marry her. Your mum will soon get used to her. Tribe has nothing to do with marriage.
Tribalism among parents in Nigeria has caused a lot for our Nigerian youth, but I would advice that you talk to your mum calmly and give her reasons why you should be with the one whom you love not forgetting involving God that is, praying about it.
If you are really sure the only thing your mom has against her is her tribe, I feel you should sit her down and talk to her about it. Trust me children especially male kids have keys to their mom's heart. Just talk to her in a way she will listen
Bro I'm the one I would do all I can to marry her because if guys can get along with each other then I doubt there's any reason not to marry her. So if I was the one I would try my possible best to convince my mum if she disagrees I would involve my dad, uncle,aunt or anyone that would bring a positive impact
To me it would be a total wrong idea if you leave the lady because you already love her and you guys can go aloya with each other then there's no need leaving her besides make your mum understand that it doesn't matter the tradition. If your mum persist you can involve your dad, uncle, aunt or anyone that would make a positive impact
I think this tribal deference in our country should stop before it course another thing, we are all one and we all have roles to play in the life of each other. Just try to find out why your mother doesn't want you to marry from another tribe, and try to make her see reason why you should marry the 1 you love.
I know this is really a difficult issue because you love the supposed girl so much and at the same time you do not want to disobey your mother, the way out is see a councellor and look for some one who can speak to your mother that she would listen to the person and above all you and the girl should take the issue to the Lord in prayer
When i still hear this tribalism of a thing happening in some places i marvel, I mean in this century such things dont really counts, what matters is if they truly love each other. My advice is you need to convince your mother that you love her and would not want anybody else other than her, people are marrying other tribes and they are living just fine
guys can get along with each other then I doubt there's any reason not to marry her. So if I was the one I would try still hear this tribalism of a thing happening in some places i marvel, I mean in this century such things dont really counts, what matters is if they truly love each other. My advice is you need to convince your mother that you love her and would not want anybody else other than her, people are marrying other tribes and they are living just fine possible best to convince my mum if she disagrees I would involve my dad, uncle,aunt or anyone that would bring a positive impact
Tribalism is not helping at all,Love is the most important in marriage.Try and know the reason for your mum's reaction,convince herabout your love for the lady.Inform people who could talk to your mum your clergy,uncles or aunts.Prayer goes a long way
Try to settle things with your mum. Talk to her about how much you love this girl. Your parent shouldn't even decide who you're to marry or not. It's not done but don't fight with your mum just explain to her gently. If you argue with her things will become messy
all these are baseless threats most tribalistic Nigerian parents have, If she's the one you truly love then engage in your marriage nonetheless. you're probably an adult now and your decisions are solely perpetrated by you and not your parents. just because they supported you financially and socially, doesn't mean they have the right to decide who you'd spend the rest of your life with. I suggest you do what makes you happy and not what people say regardless of your relationship with them.
Parents sometimes find it hard to understand that tribes or where you're coming from is not the basis or should not be the basis of a relationship ...sit your mum down and explain things to her,she might understand
This is a matter of understanding,you both need to understand each other.There is always a reason for every acract taken.There is a reason either geniue or non geniue reason why your mother said that and there's also a reason why you want to marry her,seei se her qualities.Sit your mother,explaine in details to her, allow her to express her mind and you both settle things amicably,by doing this,am sure your mother will understand your plight.
What an elder sees while! A child can't see even when he will climb an iroko tree. U're here for advice not for condemnation, try and reason with her to know really what was her reasons of rejecting your first choice of woman to marry. Don't let your emotions control You should rather control it.
I'll say it is not your mother who is going to marry the girl so I'll say you should enlighten your mum and tell her that we are all one. If she doesn't agree go and meet your pastor to talk to her I believe she'll listen when he talks to her
Just look at this is what I call tribal discrimination but my brother if you love and you are convinced you are ready to spend the rest of your life with her and not give in to pressure when it arises. Just call her Pastor or people,elders whom you know your mom listens to and make her understand how you feel. Remember Davido and Chioma!
Love conquereth all things and it's very essential you listen to your mum because what an elder might be seen while sitting a child might not be able to see it while standing even when climb a hill. Another thing migyt be that your mum is not comfortable with speak english with her daughter-in-law. My other advise is that you should call your family attention to the matter if truely you love the girl and she reciprocate same.
Looking at it from my own perspective I don't care whether my mum or my dad has hand in my marriage in as much as you know deeply that there is love between the both of you just go to your mother explain deeply to her.
And if she doesn't still co operate,ask her if there I any covenant attached to marrying outside the tribe and finally if there is still non, my beloved brother please don't hesitate in getting married with her.