Should I Move On Or Get A Divorce?

I was married last year October. I was very sure that she would be only one for life. We had been dating for six years and we lived for two years before we got married. In the past three months, I noticed my marriage was failing. I didn’t know exactly what was wrong. I thought it was stress. We bought a house together, built a new business, and got married within one year. So I thought the stress was making her crazy.

One day, in June of this year, she told me she wanted a divorce. It was so shocking to me and I couldn’t believe it! It was not six months into the marriage. I thought we were just having personality differences, but she told me she had been dealing with this problem for a long time. She said she couldn’t take care of me anymore and that I was not helpful, not capable, among others. I was so shocked that I couldn’t understand why she wanted to quit. I told her I would change and be a better husband. She cried and said she would not come back even if I became a perfect husband. She said she had given me too many chances.

I told her I would visit a marriage counsellor. She said there was no point in trying to save the relationship anymore but I convinced her and she agreed to go for counseling. It was a three-day counselling and for the first two days, she kept telling me how bad I was. I thought it would be easy and that we could get back together. At the end of the second day, she said she was unhappy that I discussed our relationship with her best friend.

On third day, she finally confessed about her sexual relationship with my best friend, John. I was heartbroken. The worst is that the counsellor made her confess how many times they had sex, where, and how. I sat down there and heard all. They had first sex on my bed and my home.

I still was stupid enough to love her. I was being friendly to her and trying to treat her nice so she would come back.

As I was coming back from counselling, while in the airplane, I was watching movie and in that movie, there was a part where two people were having sex in the car, and it triggered my memory I heard from counselling that my wife and my best friend had sex in the car and I started to have anxiety attack.

As soon as airplane landed, I was running to go outside because I wanted to grab air, and when I got outside, she asked me: “All our friends are going to the club tonight. Can I go?” I was thinking she was addicts wanting to always have a pparty at a time when i was having an aanxiety attack, and I already knew John was goingg to be there. I thought it was the most awful thing that she did and she didn’t seem to care how I feel.

After all this, I kept my mouth shut for two weeks and finally one day, she told me: “I was thinking it will be good for us if John could work with us in our business.”

That was it! For me, I realised that she was not trying to leave me, but she was trying to kill me. So, I told her: “You know you are trying to kill me, I am a human being. You had sex with my best friend and now you want me to work with him?”

I spoke with my friends about what happened and they were shock and wondered how I could keep my mouth shut for two weeks. I also found out that my wife was telling all my friends that: “My husband is going crazy, he think I am having an affair with John. How dare he think like that? John is his best friend.”

All my friends stopped calling me because they thought I was mad. But when I told them the truth, they knew it was true, because some of them had seen them together shopping.

Now, I told John’s wife about it and she suspected something was going on. What is happening right now is that John told my wife he wanted to work on his marriage and he didn’t want to ever see her again, and she broke down into tears.

I think divorcing her and moving on with my life is the best choice for me at this point. But I cannot help that I still have feelings for her. It is sad!

So, my question is: What shall I do? Move on with my life and divorce her as soon as possible (ASAP) or have some time to think about all this for a while? Any responses?

Comments Reply
  • You should divorce her. A woman that does such things without considering your emotions can kill someone.

    Am very sure that now that your friend john does not want to have anything to do with her again, she will want to come back to you, but you know what my brother, if you accept her back she will still do it again with another person.

    I know it is a painful decision to make considering the fact that you said you still love her but you just have to do it to save yourself.

    - Chukwu Anthony - 2019-10-08 18:39:37 Quote

  • like I tell most people who are having problems in their marriage the first mistake they always make is by choosing the wrong partner they just go on with somebody because they feel they have chemistry or a connection with that person before you choose a partner you need to take your time and your energy in studying the person now you have married the woman you can't divorce her you shouldn't divorce her you just need to work on your marriage, pray about it and visit someone who can counsel you

    - Joseph Lawrence - 2019-10-08 18:40:56 Quote

  • Oh my God that is so awful. I know people deserve second chances but damn, this has gone above and beyond. First off, does she even truly want u back?? I mean if not for the fact that john left her, she wouldnt think of coming back on her own. If you forgive her and take her back, there's still a chance that another John will come along. Even this same john could decide he misses yr wife and she'd gladly go back to him and leave u hanging again. No one deserves to be continuously disrespected and hurt like that

    - oreoluwa omowaye - 2019-10-08 18:52:09 Quote

  • Well for me, think you should go away for some weeks or even months to get hold of your self. 

    you need to find away to love and respect yourself since she took that away from you.  go get fresh air,meet new people, visit new places, think about what you really want, what will make you happy and then when your done, come back home any decision you make will be fine.  goodluck

    - Blessing Okechukwu - 2019-10-08 18:52:52 Quote

  • at this point divorcing her is the best thing you could do for yourself.just ask yourself that if john had not stopped the whole thing,will your wife have left him and pleaded for your are still young and you still have many more years ahead of you, you will surely find a better woman.

    - akpanuwa Udeme - 2019-10-08 18:56:15 Quote

  • I'm so sorry that happened to you bro. With what you said, its obvious she is not in love with you anymore, so even after her tears of remorse, I'm sure she will still go back to meet John and beg him to reconsider their relationship. For a wife tell her husband she wants a divorce because of her 'outside marriage relationship', it really tells a lot. It means she can even kill anybody (even her husband) for that relationship to stand. So, please and please, to save yourself from continuous heartbreak, please file a divorce. God will provide a better woman for you.

    - Adesina Oluwadare - 2019-10-08 18:58:24 Quote

  • I think you should stay with her bro. &  after a divorce no remarriage. That's the rule according to Jess's teaching in the Bible. So, if you have feelings for her, stay with her & help her change. 

    Above all, you both need God. Pray!!! 

    - Veronica Afangideh - 2019-10-08 19:12:59 Quote

  • Divorce or Disolution of Marriage is not just given on any ground, it requires a lot of work proving evidences to the court satisfactorly, but then you can meet a Legal Practitioner for an advise on it and its processes.

    - Onabanjo Rereloluwa - 2019-10-08 19:19:03 Quote

  • This is very sad. After everything you did, for you accepting her, she isn't even showing any sign ofof remor rather she is telling you to associate with your so called boyfriend she slept with. So I will tell you to take a grip of yourself and end the relationship before it ends you.

    - Okeimor Success - 2019-10-08 19:22:40 Quote

  • Hmmmmm, this is a serious issue I must say. But I think you just have to be patient with her and Allow her b herself for a while.ypu also need sometime for yourself to cool off. You have to get a break, I believe when she realizes her mistake, she will come back to her senses and do the right thing.

    - Owoyemi Motunrayo - 2019-10-08 19:24:02 Quote

  • I would advise you not to divorce and just have to pray for a change because even in the Bible it's a sin to divorce so you just need to see a counselor like you said. It will help build the relationship stronger than before. And apart from that, the years of closeness is too long for a divorce. So you just need to pray and I pray God answers your prayers. 

    - Sodiya Olayinka - 2019-10-08 19:28:42 Quote

  • To be honest with you, it is somehow hard to divorce the one you love so  much but for security wise it is better to divorce her like right now because if she has the chance she will kill you and move on with her life with either your best friend, John or other man

    - Muideen Dauda - 2019-10-08 19:32:33 Quote

  • Marriage is a life long commitment. What your did was bad but since you still love her, just give her time and another chance. She will come to her senses and realize that the only person that ever truly loved her was you. So just be patient 

    - Ibrahim Olatunde - 2019-10-08 19:36:13 Quote

  • I know it's marriage (not like a normal relationship) and it won't be easy for you to end it. But from all you said , she not only doesn't love you, but she also doesn't care or respect you or your feelings. It takes 2 people to make a marriage work and she isn't ready to make it work, she isn't even sorry for what she did. I'm really sorry for all you are going through. And that your so called friend I think you should also cut him off.

    - Ashley Victor - 2019-10-08 19:36:53 Quote

  • Well I would advice u not to divorce instead show her more love, yes she had s3x with ur best friend, forget it and get closer to her, treat her more than the way u treated her during ur honeymoon.

    Though it's painful but u must not divorce it is written in the Bible, Don't forget to pray

    - James Shakunle - 2019-10-08 19:38:35 Quote

  • I think you should still work on your marriage if the so called John(distraction) have given her space. She'll come around as a human being with sense. And you never can tell what a wonderful wife she'll turn out to be. 

    - Grace Emenike - 2019-10-08 19:39:14 Quote

  • If I were you, i won't hesitate to give her that divorce she's been asking for. For the fact that she had the guts to suggest that you bring the very guy she has been cheating on you with, whom you know. into your business means. She doesn't love or care about your feelings at all. Look if you continue with this marriage, she will just poison you and have your friend come take your place

    - Emmanuel Ekaka - 2019-10-08 19:39:43 Quote

  • This is my advise for you oh you man.You shoul remember women are very different in character, if you think to divorce her is the best solution remember , if she go out and you marry another wife , her own character may even be worst.admonish her if she accept her mistake , you have to forgive and forget.


    - Abdul Rahman Razaq - 2019-10-08 19:43:54 Quote

  • Marriage is for better for worse...... Though dating your friend is suicidal but ask her what she wants first.... If she's not in love with you anymore den no need saving d marriage... But if she still loves you.... You both should work on your marriage together

    - Owolabi Esther - 2019-10-08 19:46:11 Quote

  • starting afresh is better than enduring shit, u see this life is full of ups nd down u have to take it the way you see things, Try your best to move on my brither is well.

    - Caleb Ezume - 2019-10-08 19:46:49 Quote

  • There is no point in giving it second thought, if you didn't divorce her on time, she will turn you to mumu and continue having sex with your best friend because the love she have for you has died since and she love your best friend more. Divorcing her is the best solution.

    - Opeyemi Sunday - 2019-10-08 19:53:23 Quote

  • If your mind can take why going through such trauma called marriage, there are many story on social media of recent where wives killed or all most killed their husbands because of their ex. And even boyfriends. Please stay alive

    - Emmanuel Osiene David - 2019-10-08 19:53:24 Quote

  • This is heart rendering, I can Imagine your pain. After all she has put you through you have every moral right to divorce her but the choice is still entirely yours to make. If you should forgive her and take her back, can u forget the fact that she slept with your best friend? In the long run the thought of it will still affect your relationship with her in one way or the other.

    - joy onche emmanuel - 2019-10-08 19:54:08 Quote

  • My advice for you is that you should take her in if she is your source of joy. Do anything that will make you happy and forget about what gossipers has to say. But number one precaution is that  she must cut off any form of relationship or contact with John and you must also do the same. Make her comfortable around you, share deep things with her. Channel a kind of energy towards  your relationship that will leave her with no choice than to share things which on a normal day won't share with you

    - Yusuff-oke Oluwaseun - 2019-10-08 19:56:31 Quote

  • I think the best thing to do is to divorce her, 

    If not,  she'll definitely kill you, once your spouse decide to cheat on you, they've killed all care for you or your well being, imagine her lying to your friends about you ?

    This is so inhumane 

    - Godswill Akpan - 2019-10-08 19:57:05 Quote

  • Sad to say this but I think divorcing  her is the best option, I mean for the fact the ashe told you that she no longer needs you, slept with your best friend and still want him to work with  you is terrible.  As hard as this is you have to divorce her, even the bible permits divorce on the account  of  infidelity. After the divorce  just move to somewhere  new, take a break and a time off maybe on a vacation  or something.  God will give you someone else 

    - Precious Oyinyechukwu - 2019-10-08 19:58:47 Quote

  • Hmmmm! I am so sorry for her misbehavior something must have caused it though. However the only thing that can keep both of you apart is death, there is no sin without forgiveness. Just give her a time to come to her senses, then you teach her a small lesson by pretending not to forgive her, after your drama please remember mercy. 

    - Jane Joshua - 2019-10-08 20:05:33 Quote

  • Mann, i understand exactly whats going on in your head, i have a girl i have serious affection for, we dated once and broke up, i still have feelings for her to this day, although she always does things thst makes me doubt her feelings for me, we still do things while she has a boyfried, makes me wonder if she did same when we were together. i honestly like her too much i think its unhealthy.

    - Paul Agba - 2019-10-08 20:06:55 Quote

  • Too bad!!!! Sleeping on your matrimonial bed with your best friend. It's abomination. Well, I will say you should divorce her since you said you still have feelings for her. But, I will advice you to take her to your people in the village for spiritual cleansing. She has gone against the law of the land. After cleansing and sacrifice, you may take her back as your wife. Good luck to you and your family.

    - Onwa Matthew - 2019-10-08 20:09:04 Quote

  • Hmmmm, this is devil at work! 

    Dear you need to talk to your God in prayers, imagine you dated her for years she did not misbehave for all these years, it's now that you people are officially together that she starts misbehaving, Something is fishy. This is spiritual war!

    - Chinwe Chris - 2019-10-08 20:11:24 Quote

  • This is very heartbroken, I'd like to say you should divorce her but if you do so, the one you're going to meet you don't know what that one will be capable of doing. So please give her another chance but make sure you're extraordinarily careful and be security conscious. 

    - Akeem Adewale - 2019-10-08 20:17:37 Quote

  • After all that has happened, if you still have real feelings for her, then it's up to you. It's going to be really difficult, frustrating and demanding but eventually I think love would win. The moment you discover you don't love her anymore, there's no point in trying to pretend or making things right

    - Tolulope Abiodun - 2019-10-08 20:21:30 Quote

  • You are at a crossroad in which you have to think before you decide so that you will not blame yourself later buy you have to properly and carefully investigate it and you are going to know what to do but sincerely your wife love for you is weaken

    - David Adebayo - 2019-10-08 20:22:39 Quote

  • Please, if you are still thinking then you should stop thinking and initiate a divorce. It's clear she doesn't even care about your emotions. You are such a loving and caring man with bulk of patience to have kept quiet and leave her in your house for two weeks. Let her go so you can live in peace. A good woman is out there waiting for you.

    - Christopher Peace - 2019-10-08 20:27:15 Quote

  • Please divorce her. I know it's not easy but in are in a Toxic relationship that can get you killed. See if you come back together, your mind won't be at rest any some thing she does you will keep thinking dirty even if she is or not . You will continue to picture her doing stuffs like that with another man. So divorce and still be friends with her cos of your business together. While you being friends with her you can be there for her a d also move one with your life.

    - Chukwuma Temitope - 2019-10-08 20:27:55 Quote

  • Firstly, John shouldn't be regarded as your best friend because for him to have the heart to lay with your wife, he doesn't see you as a friend... Secondly, in my opinion, you should go on with the divorce because she most likely might repeat this with someone else

    - Ijomah Rocky - 2019-10-08 20:28:46 Quote

  • I just say your wife dealt you a tough and harsh blow, she was greedy, selfish, and inconsiderate about your feeling and well-being. Those ill feelings don't just change over night if at all it ever changes. So my advice for you is to move on and focus on your life and the things that gives you joy.

    - Beatrice Adinamou - 2019-10-08 20:29:01 Quote

  • Firstly, John shouldn't be regarded as your best friend because for him to have the heart to lay with your wife, he doesn't see you as a friend... Secondly, in my opinion, you should go on with the divorce because she most likely might repeat this with someone else..

    - Ijomah Rocky - 2019-10-08 20:31:22 Quote

  • Give her a second chance at marriage with you. Push what happened to the deepest depth of your mind and don't mention it again.

    Mistakes are meant to take place, quitting is never the answer, adultery is never an excuse. Let her try again and see if she changes for the better

    - Bamidele Stephen - 2019-10-08 20:32:26 Quote

  • Think over the step you want to take. It might be that she just wanted to prank you to know what your reaction would be if she cheats on you. If truly she wants to divorce you or she has been cheating on you,I don't think she would have such courage to tell you that she wants John to work in your establishment or business. Nothing can give her such morale in this earth. So I'm thinking she was just joking about sleeping with John. She's trying to test you. Go and talk to her to know what is actually her motive.

    - Emmanuel Agbasielo - 2019-10-08 20:37:50 Quote

  • you should try to think we'll before making any decision because she might be the for your success just try to think through it first and pray to God for more understanding.and mahe u ask her first and consider her if she give a positive words

    - Abdulsalam Hassan - 2019-10-08 20:38:02 Quote

  • Just divorce her immediately. She doesn't care about u anymore. She doesn't have feelings for u anymore. If u get back to her, she will hurt u more bro. Just divorce and move on. 

    - Omoloye David - 2019-10-08 20:41:17 Quote

  • Difficult topic here but thinking very well and deep before you make a decision at least have some time apart just yourself alone thinking about how much you love your wife still if you want your marriage  still then try to pray and seek counselling to know the best decisions to make

    - COURAGE AGBONS - 2019-10-08 20:45:51 Quote

  • So nobody is perfect in this earth we are all a sinner in the book of Romans thanks Bible said we have all seen and fail the glory of God shortly according to the book of psam before I brought out into my mother's phone I am with sing an in sing I am born brother my advise there is nobody is perfect if you still love your wife you can go on and marry her wait for your friend to work with you into your business my brother the challenges there is Ida you lose your life oh you get into a serious difficult problems that one is an acceptable for your friend to work with you for he has the mind to have sex with your with your wife don't ever let him work with you he is a bad friend to you for you and him doesn't have the same enemy he don't you to his enemy my brother that's the only thing that I can tell you go ahead and marry your wife if you still have love for you and let two of you joining together and develop the loft and this still develop the feeling

    - Nasara Victor - 2019-10-08 20:47:52 Quote

  • Hmmmmm.... Its serious. People can not tell what you should do, I believe in following your mind. Even though the Bible supports divorce when a wife is been caught of adultery(Mattew19vs 9) although she confessed that she did it what if she didn't confess. Also have you prayed about it bcos if you divorce and remarry what the assurance that the new wife will also not misbehave. Another thing is Do you still love her? If the love is still there you can give her another chance. I pray God help you to make the right decision

    - Fisayo Tililayo - 2019-10-08 20:51:23 Quote

  • The best is to give her a chance after which if you have been convinced whether she is still the one or not you make a choice for yourself because life is too short to lose hope on important things and too short to hold one to futile aspirations 

    - Tosin Oregbemi - 2019-10-08 21:13:08 Quote

  • Move on with your life, get a divorce and do not allow her play your feelings. You have to help her to learn that what she's doing is not right. When someone does something wrong, you let them know. You showed her her wrongdoings but she didn't listen, she didn't show yours and so you don't know your flaws. Stay with someone who will show those flaws and help you change

    - Oluwatomisin Momoh - 2019-10-08 21:14:10 Quote

  • Holyshit, marriage is for better or worst but not in this situation. She has completely lost her feelings for you and i think she now love you friend John. No matter how hard u try to make the marriage work it won't be successful. Imagine her try to involve John you friend in you family business, who does that after all she have done. It better you divorce because this may result to something bad. If you make efforts to be in someone's live  and they dont want to be in your. Quitely walkaway it called maturity

    - Patrick Isidore - 2019-10-08 21:26:39 Quote

  • The best move you can take right now is to get a divorce especially since you don't have any child from the union yet, because a woman with such attitude and character doesn't really deserve a second chance. She already told you to your face, so what's the need in trying when you know that any solution will just be temporary

    - Anthony Adinamou - 2019-10-08 21:27:09 Quote

  • Sir for me and according to the Bible, Marriage is not something you enter and come out by choice. All you need to do now is to leave alone for sometime until she start missing you and then, you guys can start living together again.

    - Odinakachi Obaji - 2019-10-08 21:32:24 Quote

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