Take A ‘Fart Walk’ This Thanksgiving. These Foods Produce The Most Gas

I know, I know. The words “good time” and “fart” usually do not go well together. But this Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, may be a very good time to go on what’s been called a “fart walk.”

What Is A Fart Walk

Back in February in Forbes, I already did a full release on what a fart walk is and how it can benefit you any time of the year. That was close to Valentine’s Day, which may not be the best day to keep tooting your own horn, at least not in that manner. Thanksgiving is a different situation, though. You are presumably going to be eating a rather big meal—potentially the biggest meal of the year. So going on a fart walk during and after that meal could be a good thing to do.

Briefly, a fart walk is basically when you go for an extended walk—meaning further than between the couch and the toilet—long enough to get your gastrointestinal tract moving more. A GI tract in motion means better digestion and less accumulation of gas. And in the end this means more butt cheek squeaks, otherwise known as farts. Moving your body more will also keep your blood circulating and your muscles using sugar for fuel, resulting in better regulation of your blood sugar levels. So, there are multiple reasons to move until the cheese is cut, again and again and again.

What Thanksgiving Foods Produce The Most Gas

Now, you may be wondering what Thanksgiving foods are most likely to cause you to become Stinker Bell. Well, anything with a lot of fiber, starch, sugar or sugar alcohol can do it. Then there’s anything dairy, which can be a problem if you are lactose intolerant in any way. Alcohol can bother your GI tract as well. Finally, anything with air bubbles can surprise, surprise, give you gas since you are literally swallowing gas.

So, keeping in the mind the above, here’s a list of common Thanksgiving items most likely to bring the bottom burps:

Green bean casserole: If this is how you roll, expect some air going out the hole. Any bean there done that is going to have quite a lot of fiber. But this dish also may serve you the cream in the cream of mushroom soup and fried onions, both of which can cause a rooting tooting time.
Macaroni and cheese: This holiday cheer could really get thins out of your rear too given the starch in the pasta and the dairy with the cheese
Cruciferous vegetables: OK, you probably don’t typically say, “Pass the cruciferous vegetables, please.” But you do say that about Brussel sprouts, cauliflower, broccoli and turnips, which all have relatively high fiber content, good for your health but not so good for anyone next to you who can small.
Sweet potatoes and yams: This requires some mannitol-splaining. These contain both a sugar called fructose and a sugar alcohol called mannitol, the fermentation of which by your gut bacteria can produce, guess what, gas.
Marshmallows: Putting marshmallows on sweet potatoes is basically putting sugar on more sugar.
Mashed potatoes: Doing a lot of the mash can give you monster farts. Mashed potatoes have starches and potentially dairy with the addition of cream, butter and milk.
Stuffing: Want to be stuffed with air? Try some very starchy stuffing.
Cranberry sauce: You know that Def Leppard song, “Pour Some Sugar on Me?” Well, that how you make cranberry sauce with lots of sugar.
Seltzer and soda: Such carbonated beverages will make you “air” on the side of flatulence.
Beer, wine and spirits: Yep, these things have alcohol, These can also have bubbles too.
Fruitcakes: If you do go nuts and eat too much fruitcake, you could end up eating quite a lot of dried fruit that has reasonably high sugars and fiber content. Fruitcakes can be infused with alcohol too, adding to the pooting potential.

How To Take A Fart Walk On Thanksgiving Day

Given all the flat out flatulence that all of these different dishes can produce plus the overeating that typically occurs, you may want to slip in some fart walks into the festivities. This doesn’t necessarily mean prop up a treadmill right next to the dinner table and say something like, “OK, Graham, since you just ate so many graham crackers, you are next up there.”

One thing you can do is build a fart walk into your Thanksgiving festivities. You don’t necessarily have to call it a fart walk if you really don’t want to do so. Regardless, it’s about getting everyone to go on a group walk outside for at least 30 minutes. Alternatively, you can hold some other type of group physical activity as long as it is not so intense that people start getting upset stomachs and there is enough ventilation.

If you can’t get others to go on a fart walk with you, you could always do it yourself. You could stand up and announce, “I am going on a fart walk” and then walk away like one of those English Beefeater guards who are usually stationed outside Buckingham Palace. Or you could think of some excuse, “I need to check my car to make sure no one’s in there” and slip out for the fart walk.

If you absolutely cannot leave the premises or somehow can’t go on a fart walk, try to keep in motion throughout the day. Don’t the whole time reclining on the couch with your hand under your pants or dress waistline. Move amongst the other guests to socialize. Help with the cooking, serving and clean-up of the food. If you are playing games or singing karaoke after dinner, try to do your best David Lee Roth impression. The only drawback is that you may not know what may come out in the end. Happy Thanksgiving.

Forbes