The 5 Biggest Threats To Modern Relationships — By A Psychologist

Relationships are never easy, but modern love comes with its own unique set of challenges. As times change, couples encounter newer obstacles that can drive them apart, and new research echoes this shift.

In a 2025 study published in the American Journal of Psychology, Dr. Albert Oduwole surveyed over 200 adults in relationships and conducted in-depth interviews with 12 couples. He ultimately found five primary obstacles to modern love.

“Contemporary couples must negotiate a fast-paced, digitally connected world marked by endless distraction, shifting cultural values and amplified individualistic mindset,” Oduwole explains.

Here are five of the biggest challenges that strain modern relationships, according to the 2025 study.

1. Digital Distractions Invade Quality Time

For many of us today, imagining a life without smartphones is nearly impossible. While we’ve seen rapid technological advancements and a widespread use of social media worldwide, not all of it has contributed to social connection.

In fact, being glued to a screen is the one of the primary reasons why many modern relationships suffer. A 2020 survey by the Pew Research Center found that 51% of adults report their partners engaging in “phubbing,” or phone snubbing, which refers to being distracted by one’s cellphone during personal interactions.

The survey found that phubbing was most common in couples under 30 years old, but older generations aren’t immune to it either. Such behavior, understandably, can make the other person feel hurt, ignored and unprioritized.

“I have to repeat myself because he’s scrolling Instagram. It makes me feel invisible,” one participant of the 2025 study mentioned.

“I was telling him about a work issue and pouring my heart out and he was scrolling through Twitter. He didn’t even realize for a minute,” another participant shared.

Unsurprisingly, partner phubbing is associated with lower relationship satisfaction and the perception of lower relationship quality, according to a 2022 study published in Psychological Reports.

Social media use can also fuel relationship conflict, as 33% of surveyed participants pointed out in Oduwole’s study. Couples reported arguing over liking other people’s posts, jealousy over shared online history with exes or disagreements over what to post about their own relationship, with many preferring to keep their dynamic more private.

Clearly, modern couples must increasingly navigate technological boundaries, as they often reflect deeper psychological ones. The solution is clear: while technology doesn’t have to be cut out completely, it does need to be used with intention and consciously avoided in moments of meaningful interpersonal interaction.

“Couples who set aside ‘tech-free’ quality time (at least an hour in the evening with the devices put away) reported fewer issues with distraction,” Oduwole confirms.

2. Ideological Differences Can Strain Relationships

Core values bring people together, but they can also just as easily divide them. Discussions about political ideology, religion, gender roles and socio-cultural issues can be especially divisive, as they’re often tied to our sense of identity, morality and justice.

A foundation of shared values helps relationships flourish, but for couples with opposing ideologies, that foundation is likely to crack.

A 2024 survey of over 3,000 American adults by The Matchmaking Company found that 46% of singles would want to avoid dating someone with opposing political views, with a whopping 82% of democrats considering political compatibility essential to their relationships. One in ten Gen Z individuals would even end a date immediately upon discovering such incompatibility.

Couples today must balance personal convictions with their respect for one another, and decide for themselves whether their differences are something they can live with — or if they seem impossible to ever reconcile.

One participant in the 2025 study described how he navigated such sensitive issues with his wife: “I was brought up with a stay-at-home mom and working father. My default assumption in my subconscious was that my wife would do the household stuff like my mom did. She, however, splits it equally. We had a lot of fights until I became aware that I was being unjust.”

This participant’s story highlights how with communication, self-reflection and intentional action, it’s possible for partners to protect their relationship, despite deep-rooted differences.

Many participants with conflicting ideologies also reported cohabiting peacefully for the most part, while being careful not to bring up divisive topics and focus on their similarities instead.

In contrast, other participants described frustration with their partners being “too woke” and feeling “censored” or forced into being more politically correct.

3. Navigating Distance Is Challenging

About 30% of participants in Oduwole’s study had experienced long-distance relationships, often due to work or academic commitments, with 70% rating these relationships as deeply challenging.

While increased mobility invites personal, economic and professional growth, it can also strain personal relationships.

Long-distance couples often struggle with a lack of quality time, as well as fewer opportunities for emotional and physical intimacy. If they previously shared a home, they may also experience difficulty in revising their roles and responsibilities.

Most notably, relational insecurities tend to surface in the wake of separation, especially when couples lack a clear timeline for reuniting.

Knowing that the distance between them is temporary can help couples stay on track and prioritize intimacy and commitment. However, uncertain reunion timelines may exacerbate the emotional challenges they face.

4. Hectic Lifestyles Can Weaken Intimacy

Increased work hours, long commutes and the inability to say no to work in pursuit of financial security are all factors that can derail work-life balance and lead to detrimental health outcomes.

Many participants in Oduwole’s study knew without a doubt that work stress and hectic schedules spilled over into their relationships. In turn, this impacted their relationship satisfaction, intimacy and family time, as well as both partners’ mental well-being.

“When I’ve had a bad day at work, I end up either venting on my spouse or just shutting down completely. In either case, it affects her,” one participant explained.

Additionally, a lack of quality time and emotional availability can drive even the most loving partners apart. In fact, 62% of participants confirmed that not spending time together was one of their greatest relationship challenges.

“We had weekly date nights before, and now it’s more like once every 2–3 months, since something always comes up; work deadlines, family obligations or we’re simply too tired,” another participant explained, highlighting how this change had “killed” the romance in her relationship.

Oduwole suggests that couples require a minimum of five hours of quality time each week to experience relationship satisfaction. That means no devices, distractions or mentions of to-do lists — only meaningful one-on-one time.

5. Childhood Wounds Can Trigger Relationship Conflict

Early experiences of rejection, abandonment and neglect by a caregiver can shape relationships well into adulthood. These experiences can result in emotional withdrawal, excessive attachment or even lashing out in romantic relationships, where these early emotional wounds often resurface.

Participants who had adverse childhood experiences reported lower relationship satisfaction than those without such challenging upbringings.

However, one positive impact of growing mental health awareness and access to therapy in contemporary society is that many more individuals are open to addressing and working on these relational patterns.

One participant, recognizing the role her father’s absence had played in her life, mentioned: “I’m always afraid my partner will leave me, and I know it’s irrational, but I can’t shake it. It leads me to act controlling, which then causes real problems.”

Another participant also showed emotional insight into how his family influenced his hesitation to freely express emotions in his relationship. “Problems were silently endured, not discussed,” he shared.

While modern love faces newer challenges, the tools to overcome them aren’t out of reach. The key to sustaining love is largely what it’s always been: prioritizing quality time, respect, communication, emotional awareness and intimacy above all. With deep intention and consistent effort, these relationships can thrive — regardless of technology, distance, ideology or the demands of modern-day living.

Are you guilty of phubbing in your relationship? Take this science-backed test to find out: The Phubbing Scale