Why expensive family vacations aren’t worth the money or parental guilt

In today’s fast-paced world, where both parents are often working full-time jobs, guilt can creep in quickly. You miss a few school events. You get home after bedtime. You feel like you’re not showing up enough as a mom or dad. 

And so, to make up for it, you decide to go big because you really believe your kids are going to love it. You book an over-the-top family vacation – the kind of trip that screams “We’re doing great!” or “Let me show you how much money we are making!” 

But here’s the problem: you’re likely spending money you shouldn’t, and worse, your kids won’t even remember it. If they are under the age of 5, let’s face it, you are doing this for own edification and not for memories that your kids will thank you for one day.

Let’s take one of the most common examples: Disney World. If you have a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old, and you’re thinking,”Let’s do Disney now – it’s on our bucket list!” – stop right there. It’s not just the theme park tickets anymore.  

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You’re talking about staying at the Animal Kingdom Lodge, booking Fast Passes for every ride, making breakfast reservations with Mickey and friends, and buying custom princess dresses or Star Wars gear. Suddenly, this vacation becomes a full-throttle production that costs upwards of $10,000. And all you are thinking is, “My kids will really thank me for this one day!”  

No, they won’t.  

And what happens two days in? You’re sweating in 90-degree heat, holding a soggy ice cream cone, while your kids melt down because they’re overstimulated and exhausted. You’re standing in a two-hour line without the Fast Pass for a 90-second ride, wondering how this was supposed to be “magical.” 

You didn’t really plan this trip for them – you planned it to compensate for your own guilt. You’re trying to prove something: that you’re still great parents even though work is hectic, life is busy and time together feels scarce.

But here’s the truth: kids don’t need extravagant experiences.

You could spend half that money – maybe less – and create just as meaningful a vacation. All it takes is a decent hotel with a pool, some unstructured time, some Scooby snacks and your full attention. No e-mail. No cellphone calls in the hallway. None of that.

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Young children remember how they felt more than what they did. They remember giggling in the pool, eating pancakes in pajamas and getting tucked in at night after a fun-filled day. They don’t care if the pancakes came from a five-star resort or a roadside diner.

Even worse than overspending is the message we send our kids when we attach love and success to big, flashy purchases and posing for Instagram photos. They learn that money solves emotional problems. That you can buy your way into being a good parent. That memorable means expensive. 

Those are dangerous financial lessons that will follow them into adulthood. As they get older, you’ll get resentful that they don’t thank you for staying at the St. Regis or even worse, they’ll grow to expect it.  

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As a financial advisor, I’ve seen families go into debt for these vacations, just to post a few great photos and keep up with what their friends appear to be doing. But what happens when the credit card bill shows up? Or when you can’t afford something your family actually needs later? That guilt will stick around much longer than any photo op with Cinderella.

Vacations should be about connection, not compensation. When your kids grow up, they won’t remember whether you stayed at the Four Seasons or the Fairfield Inn. They’ll remember the belly laughs, the bedtime stories, the moments when you were really present.

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